Excerpt from my self-help book

Below is an extract from my latest book, You Can Only Achieve What Is Possible, which I wrote after seeing a life coach on a television programme proclaim to a poor unsuspecting individual that they could achieve anything they wanted. The chapter below explores the subject of what we can and can't achieve.

You Cannot Have, Be, Or Do, Anything You Desire

'Usually I am not one to quote music artists. It is a tad tacky, but the Rolling Stones put it so terribly well, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” In fact, if what you want is totally out of line with what the Universe thinks you should be getting, you will be lucky to get anything you want at all. If you constantly obsess over your desires and beg the Universe to realise them, the Universe might say, “Well ok then, you can have what you asked for, but there will be a price to pay later on.” Of course, you may not hear the Universe saying this, but everything has a price in life. We should be careful what we wish for.

Some highly-praised self-help literature presents the argument that we are here on this earth to fulfil our desires, that our intentions and thoughts create our own reality. We choose our reality and that reality depends on what thoughts we are manifesting. Like attracts like, right? Some people merrily instruct the Universe to give them exactly what they want. Apparently, the Law of Attraction produces whatever our minds conjure. If you have positive thoughts, you will attract positive energy your way and if you have negative thoughts, you will attract negative energy to you.

There is an element of truth in this. I do believe that our thoughts are really energy. If we constantly have negative thoughts about ourselves and other people, we almost evoke a negative energy that could potentially be detrimental. Many of us have heard somewhere along the line about the power of creative visualisation. Some people with life threatening illnesses have used positive thoughts to improve their health. If you tell yourself, “That is it, I am going to die, I give up,” you are telling your body to do precisely that. So, I applaud generating positive thoughts. You can make your life better by being a more positive person.

The thing is, and you might see this as a dampener, but just because you desire something really badly, it does not guarantee that you will get what you want. Telling God to provide you with a Mercedes or informing the Universe that you would like a swish new pad in the Maldives, is not going to guarantee you the outcome you desire. You can mull over it all day long and say, “I am going to be a CEO and get my comfy, opulent house, I am, I am, I am. I can already see it in my head. I am a CEO of a big corporation. I am manifesting my desire. I am breaking through all obstacles. Nothing will stand in my way.”

If it is within your path on earth, you may be given what you have asked for, but if it is not, all your visualisation and intention will mean jack. So, in all honesty, we cannot have, be and do as we please, we can only have, be and do what the Universe allows us to do. Moreover, what makes us think we are entitled to these things? We need to accept what the Universe gives us rather than asking for stuff we are not entitled to. Just because we want something, it does not mean that firstly, we should get it and secondly, that it will make us happy. In fact, there are many people who get what they ask for and it makes them utterly miserable.

We do have choices, to a degree, but not an infinite amount of choices. I believe it is highly arrogant to think that we can entirely construct our own reality. We can create it to a degree, but the Universe can snap it up faster than you can yell “Yee-haa.” What the Universe gives, the Universe can just as easily take away. What you want on the grand scale of things means relatively little, unless what you want happens to be what you need.

The best way to lead a fulfilling and truly happy life is to learn to want what you need, rather than chasing desires that will never be yours. And before you all start saying, “But what about all the people who have achieved their dreams, who read all the self-help books and went for their goals and realised them...” etc etc. That is their path. It does not mean that it is yours. I am not claiming that you can never achieve any of your goals, but what I am saying is that you can only achieve the goals that are within the remit of your path on earth.

If you can come to want what you need in life, you can achieve all of your goals, because your new goals will automatically be in line with the will of the Universe. If you can dare to surrender some of your more physical desires and follow your intuition, you may in good time, be given some of them back. You will also be a lot happier because we can only ever be truly happy when we fulfil our true purposes for being here.

If you blithely storm through life in pursuit of your physical and emotional desires without taking heed of what you really need, you will never understand the meaning of completeness or being at peace. Peace comes from letting go, to something far greater than we are. Whether you call that something God, the Universe, destiny, Spirit, the Source, is irrelevant. It is what it is, regardless of how we construe it and when we succumb to it, we become much better and happier individuals. We come to Life.

Without banging on about myself too much, because I do not want to bore you to death, I am going to cite what happened to me as an example of how bowing to the will of the Universe can change your life for the better.

When I was younger I had many dreams. For a while, I wanted to a fashion designer, then a pop star (well I was only three), then a graphic designer, then a journalist, then an author and so on. My real passion was for anything creative. Like so many other people, I went to school and got some qualifications. Then I went to university and did a degree in politics. I wished afterwards that I had studied graphic design instead. I got temporary employment in an administration role and found it distinctly lacklustre. I could not figure out how some people could go through life plodding the same old routine, doing their nine to five, living for the weekend and accepting their lot. I really wanted to work in advertising, so I applied for some jobs but I never got anywhere.

To cut a long and very dull story short, I developed a bad back condition and after a range of conventional and unconventional treatments had made no difference, I went to see a Reiki practitioner. Someone at work had happened to mention Reiki, so I thought I would give it a go. It helped a bit, so I thought, “Why not go on a Reiki course,” and so that is exactly what I did. So, without any real expectations I went to the Reiki course and it changed my entire life in one day. I had to self-heal every day with Reiki, which I did for hours because I enjoyed it so much. There was personal effort involved, but there always is in anything worthwhile.

Over three years I discovered my true purpose for being on earth, I found a partner, I gained self-esteem from being my true higher self. I gained immense knowledge of the Universe, my place in the Universe and so much more. I gave up some pastimes I had previously enjoyed including: running, which was damaging my back, drinking alcohol, eating meat and chocolates and sweets and going to pubs and clubs. I self-healed with Reiki everyday. I also gave up on my former dream of being in advertising and put my creativity aside to focus on treating people with Reiki and teaching Reiki courses.

None of this felt at all like a sacrifice. I felt so much happier and lighter and I still do. I did not try to control the Universe, I became guided by the Universe and did what the Universe and my intuition guided me to do. I accepted that everything in my life was a blessing, whether painful or pleasant. I learned to want what I needed.

When I had done all of this, some dreams I had put to the back of my mind started popping to the fore. I quickly became a journalist, then shortly after, I became a features editor of a women’s lifestyle magazine. I wrote a book. I wanted to design my business website, so I taught myself how to do it. I then ended up designing a couple of other websites. I wrote another book. Then I became an eco-stylist, styling people with ethical fashion items. Although I had to put the hard work, effort and hours in, it did not feel like a chore because I thoroughly enjoyed what I was doing. Effort only seems like an effort when you are discontent with what you are doing.

I love the way my life has changed. I love being me and the journey I am on. I am so grateful for everything and I become more grateful with each new day. So in all of my warbling, the point I am trying to make is that, I let go. I let go of what I had wanted in life. I made a pact with the Universe that I would follow my path, that I would follow its will and not my own. When I finally let go, I was given some of my lifelong dreams and they meant so much more to me, because this time, I felt I really deserved them and they were not just about me, but about helping others find their path.

So, if you follow your path, if you trust and follow your intuition, if you let go and allow the Universe to be your ultimate guide, you may be given what you want, but only when you have earned it.

Not everyone can be an Olympic athlete, a company director, a CEO, a movie star, a pop star, a catwalk model, a life coach, a personal trainer, a celebrity stylist, a footballer, or whatever the occupation may be. Many people now are looking for fame for fame’s sake, for adulation and glory. People are very often desperate for recognition from others, but this kind of recognition is temporal. We should not need recognition from any one person on this earth, but from our intuition and from the Universe, or if you prefer, God. If you have a personal dream, you have to ask yourself why you are so keen to achieve it. Why do you want that dream job? Is there something else that would be more suitable for your path and for you? What would really make you happy? Forget for a second about the money, status and power that that dream brings. Real power comes from being connected with your intuition, from trusting in your higher path, from being your true self. This is what really empowers us, being true to ourselves.

Living life is not about the stories you are going to tell your grandchildren, it is not about what you leave behind. Life is about what you learned, how you developed yourself spiritually, how you evolved as a soul. When you die, you cannot take your worldly dreams with you. You cannot take your possessions with you, or your job title, or the adulation and recognition of the people around you. Even if you do not believe in life after death, if you believe that this life here is all we have. When your body is decomposing in its coffin, what will any of the physical goals you once achieved mean? Nothing...

You do not have to believe in God or religion, just to have faith in your intuition.
We all know the truth, if we would be brave enough to accept it. If you believe that life is just about making it what we want it to be, then go for your goals and see where it takes you, but always be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. If you attain your goals and still do not feel happy and complete, then ask yourself, why? Sometimes, we achieve something we think will make us happy but when we make it past the finish line, it no longer seems like such a triumph. We shift the goal posts and broaden our goals, but the reality is often quite different from the dream, unless the dream happens to be, the Way of the Universe.